People accused of nothing could periodically question their detainment... HOORAY FOR JUSTICE!

Suspected terrorists could periodically question indefinite detentions 

CNN International - A proposed executive order would allow suspected terrorists held indefinitely to periodically challenge their imprisonment. Washington (CNN) -- The Obama administration is drafting new plans to hold suspected terrorists without trial indefinitely but...

So, let me get this straight. A proposed executive order would allow them to challenge their imprisonment... once in a while? Here's an idea - why don't we check and see if there is something like that already... hmm...

Aha! What about this? It's old, but it might still apply.

Ye Olde Sixth Amendment to the Constitution 

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence

I guess it doesn't really apply to 'terrorists', though. I'm sure if you read the Constitution thouroughly enough, there's a clause somewhere about which criminals to exclude from their rights.

Am I nuts? Does anyone else think that everyone else has gone crazy? Or is it just me? If everyone else is crazy, and I'm not, does that make me the crazy person, and everyone else normal?

Something to think about, I guess.

Quote of the day

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

H.P. Lovecraft, "The Call of Cthulhu"

How Many Licks? (part 1)

I noticed something the other day looking for an image on Google Image Search. It seems that no matter how innocent your query, if the content filter is off, you eventually get naked people.

So I thought it might be interesting to catalog some words and find out where (numerically) the image turns NASTAY.

I decided to name this segment "How Many Licks", as in, "How many licks does it take to get to the gooey, spooge-filled center of the Internet?" To kick it off, I decided to search on "How Many Licks". The result?

SEVENTH.

And it's lovely, too - a very creative interpretation of a man-dog manually servicing himself! FUN!

More to come, so stay tuned!

(I didn't intend that pun. Really, I didn't.)

Boot + Face = Future

There is something kind of pointless about a blog blogging a blog post from another blog, but everything about this one is dead on:

TSA: First a Hand on Your Crotch - Next a Boot in Your Face. Molestation or Radiation? Your Choice.

Sooner or later, I have to hope that people will actually get fed up with this nonsense. When are people going to make that (tiny) mental leap and realize that all of this invasion of our own privacy and comfort has failed to discover ONE SINGLE PERSON who intended to blow up or highjack an aircraft?

Just saying.

I think that the TSA should get the Big Brother Award for 2010.

More good news...

BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD ...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/23/AR2010102303510.html

Did I mention bad?

Show this to anyone who claims that the economy is improving.

I don't think that it really needs a lot of explanation. Ten years ago, it took almost 42 ounces of gold to 'buy' the DOW. Today it takes less than 8 ounces. The DOW has gone down since then, so, given that the value of gold, silver, and just about everything else has increased, it indicates that things are getting worse, no matter how it looks in the short term.

Not a sermon, just a... no, it's a sermon. People need to listen.

Did you see that thunder hit the building? It tasted LOUD!

I was checking the news today and saw this headline:

Gunshots Fired At the Pentagon

Gunshots can't be 'fired'. A gunshot is a sound, and as most sounds are pressure waves moving indiscriminately in all directions, they can't be directed 'At' a target.

I suppose (for the sake of argument) that one could say that the Pentagon is not just a building. It is also a region of Washington. One could logically say that 'gunshots were heard at the Pentagon', or maybe 'gunshots were reported at the Pentagon', but that doesn't sound aggressive enough. 

The only way this sentence works is by changing the headline from 'Gunshots Fired At the Pentagon' to 'Shots Fired at the Pentagon', which would at least be closer to proper grammar. That implies that the Pentagon (the building) was ATTACKED, which is clearly the intent of this article.

Notice I also changed the 'At' to 'at'. If you're going to capitalize everything, do it, but don't capitalize 'at' and then ignore 'the'. Consistency is key. Maybe they should capitalize every letter instead, like this:

GUNSHOTS FIRED AT THE PENTAGON

That's very dramatic. Some exclamation points and an emoticon might be helpful as well.

WTF?! GUNSHOTS FIRED AT THE PENTAGON!!!!! 

The best part of the article, though, isn't the headline, it's this bit of stellar journalism:

Pentagon spokesman Col. Dave Lapan confirmed reports of possible shots fired near the building. 

A civilian reported he may have heard shots at about 5 a.m. ...

Sigh. I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that this came from Fox News.

Is -insert old platform- gaming dead?

I just saw this headline:


How Online Will Kill Console Gaming


And I had to sigh inwardly. How long have we heard some derivation of this statement? Every few years some genius editor from the gaming industry has to ejaculate the literary spooge "Is PC gaming DEAD?!" 
We've been listening to them say that for well over ten years now, and yet, people are still playing PC games. People still build monster rigs, people still play LAN games, people still play Flash games on crappy old computers.
If PC gaming died back when they first started predicting its demise, then PC gaming would be this moldy, rotting corpse wandering around in the dark, eating your brains while you stared blindly into the soft glow of your LCD.


Wait, that actually sounds like PC gaming.

I just need to add a computer eating his brains...

Redundancy, part 1

Why do people say 'science lab' when referring to Spider-Man? Why not just 'lab'? I mean, isn't a laboratory generally considered to be scientific? I've personally never heard anyone say 'science lab' outside of referring to Spider-Man.

Airstrike kills 4 insurgents... no wait, civilians

Afghanistan Airstrike Kills 4 Insurgents

Compiled from International Security Assistance Force Joint Command News Releases

Posted September 30, 2010 at 11:16 a.m., updated September 30, 2010 at 11:16 a.m.

WASHINGTON, Sept. 29, 2010 - An air weapons team engaged insurgents who'd fired on Afghan and coalition forces conducting a patrol in eastern Afghanistan today, military officials reported.

The combined patrol came under effective small-arms fire from about eight insurgents in the Andar district of Ghazni province. After gaining positive identification on the insurgent position, an air weapons team engaged the insurgent firing position. After the engagement ended, the combined force called for a medical evacuation for wounded insurgents and reported that approximately four insurgents had been killed.

The wounded were evacuated to an International Security Assistance Force medical facility for treatment. ISAF is aware of allegations in the media of civilian casualties associated with this operation. ISAF is receiving reports from this operation and will provide updates as they become available.

Alright! Take that you dirty insurgents! 

Oh, wait a minute.

4 Afghan civilians killed during attack on insurgents, NATO says

By the CNN Wire Staff

September 30, 2010 -- Updated 1702 GMT (0102 HKT)

(CNN) -- Four Afghan civilians died and three others were wounded in a NATO-led operation on Wednesday in eastern Afghanistan, NATO's International Security Assistance Force said Thursday.

The incident took place in the Andar district of Ghazni province. ISAF forces met with village elders to apologize for their actions and embarked on an investigation.

It is the latest incident of civilians caught in the crossfire of the Afghan war, a trend that has caused outrage and consternation among Afghan government officials and citizens.

ISAF said eight insurgents wielding small arms attacked an Afghan and coalition security force.

An air weapons team trying to protect the troops "accidentally struck a group of unarmed civilians, killing four and injuring three others."

ISAF spokesman Rear Adm. Greg Smith said families will be compensated in the wake of their losses.

"We deeply regret that our operation resulted in civilian loss of life and we express our sincerest condolences to the families," Smith said.

Um, right. Is it just me, or does it seem like they always report initially that they killed X number of insurgents, and then a short time later, it's revealed that they actually blew up a school or something? I have a better idea. Instead of reporting how many insurgents you killed, why not report that the combat took place and save the details until the data is actually known?


While we're on this subject, what the heck is an insurgent, anyway?

¹in·sur·gent

 noun \-jənt\

Definition of INSURGENT

1

: a person who revolts against civil authority or an established government; especially : a rebel not recognized as a belligerent

2

: one who acts contrary to the policies and decisions of one's own political party

From http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/insurgent

So... an insurgent is someone revolting against the established government, who is not a member of an opposing army. In Afghanistan, the established government is a corrupt nightmare formed out of warlords and thieves that was put in place by NATO forces. These are people who are rebelling against the puppet government in Afghanistan. It seems that insurgent is a very good term for them.

Isn't it interesting that when they say it on the news, it sounds like "terrorist" rather than "revolutionary".

Hey, that's kind of like the difference between "insurgent" and "civilian".

I guess it just depends on who you ask. And when you ask them.

Bloody good!

I want to tell everybody my awesome story about how I cut finger over the weekend.

Actually, the story isn’t awesome, I cut my finger cleaning up some broken glass. I mopped the floor, them emptied the bucket into the tub. When I was scooping up the cat hair, it turned out there was a jagged piece of glass in there the size of a dime.

My finger started bleeding profusely, so I did what any normal person would do. I ran to the living room and got my camera.

AWESOME!

If you like gory, bloody messes, check out the pictures. If you don’t, check them out anyway.

The awesome bloodiness:

At this point I wondered if I would have to get stitches:

I thought this was cool – bloody ring:

Then it stopped by itself, which was weird:

And my Wolverine-like healing powers kicked in:

I left this for my wife and told her there was something cool in the bathtub:

Doesn’t this look like a Fight Club poster or something?

I’m totally making it into my blog logo:

Kids bring the awesome

Today, I was playing some power metal in the car. It was starting to build, and my daughter said:

"Daddy, can I rock out now?"

I was like "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

But like this.

Okay, maybe not exactly like that. But it was still pretty cool.

Quote of the day

All matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration ... we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

- Bill Hicks, comedian

What's the word of the day?

What's the mystery word of the day? Let's see if you can guess!

The systematic use of violent acts which are intended to create fear and are perpetrated for a religious, political or ideological goal, and deliberately target or disregard the safety of non-combatants.

I'll let everybody figure it out.

My new favorite quote of all time

"What we're suggesting is that something that doesn't really interact with anything is changing something that can't be changed." 


Ephraim Fischbach, a physics professor at Purdue


http://www.astrobio.net/pressrelease/3599/a-strange-solar-flare-connection

Don't be evil... unless you think it will be good for everyone

This morning, I read this:

Google and Verizon 'near deal to end net neutrality'

Search giant said to be close to agreeing (on) a deal that would let the telecoms company prioritise categories of online content

So, what exactly happen to Google's supposed mantra?

The main thing that sold Google for me as a search engine back in the late Paleointranetic Era was that they would display content fairly. Many search engines back then would give you results based on how many times someone put the word you were searching for on the homepage. You'd get pages that would have pages of blank space at the bottom, and when you highlighted text, there would be every term anyone would ever search for.

Google's approach was different - they based search engine priority on a system of links between pages, to determine what content was actually relevant. You could count on Google's results to be the pages that were most visited, most linked, and most likely to be the results you were looking for.

I'm under the impression that favoring one content provider over another when they pay more to be listed would sort of fall into the grey area between light and dark. 

I mean, sure, this deal is for providing better connections to providers that pay more, which, in a way, kind of makes sense. They are using bandwidth, and that bandwidth does cost money. So if a content provider pays more, then they should get a larger share of the bandwidth, I suppose. Or should they?

What we need is for someone to fairly decide a way to allocate the I/O stream and...

Uh oh. I can see where this is going.

END OF LINE.

Police raid an organic market for... wait for it... milk.

Today I learned about a bit of news that probably isn't even a footnote in the city it came from.

California police raid stirs raw food controversy

LOS ANGELES - With no warning on a sunny weekday morning, investigators entered the organic grocery with a search warrant ... Then, badges out and guns drawn, four officers fanned out ... they found the raid's target inside a walk-in refrigerator: unmarked jugs of raw milk.

http://www.leadertelegram.com/news/daily_updates/article_e589627c-9996-11df-9e96-001cc4c03286.html

There's even video of the raid from a security camera. I'm serious.

Some people think this story is funny. It might even have been on the network news as the 'funny' story before Jeopardy comes on. I don't think it's funny. The market was breaking the law by selling unpasteurized dairy products, true. And respect of the law is what defines a Republic, what makes us able to function as a society.

But I have to ask a simple, almost silly question. 

WHY DO THEY HAVE THEIR GUNS OUT? 

What if some teenager came out of the damn walk-in with a price scanner? BLAMO. Oh well, another accidental police shooting. When did it became standard operating procedure for a cop to pull his gun to do the simplest, stupidest things? 

Are they aware that the purpose of drawing your gun is to kill? Guns are provided to the police to protect the officers from armed suspects, not to force compliance. When the citizenry respects law enforcement, they DON'T NEED A GUN to get public compliance for the law.

Another footnote to this story was that it took FOUR police officers to raid the market to find the illegal milk. Meanwhile, undoubtedly, there were countless assaults, moving violations, and property crimes in Los Angeles.

I'm catching the next boat out of here. How's the climate in Australia? More importantly, how about the political climate?

I think I'll call NPR so everyone knows how smart I am

I love listening to NPR, and most of the listeners are like me. Just normal people who enjoy listening. Then you have the people who like to call with questions for guests or the host. Then you have this person:

Host: And we're back with Dr. Dinglehorne, who spent five years in the Marianas islands studying the exploitation of poor native people by American corporations. He also spent ten years studying the islands at four different Universities, and is descended from a long line of mariners who have lived in the region for 200 years.

Host: Caller, you're on with Dr. Dinglehorne.

Smarty McDouche: Yes, hi, long time listener, first time caller. I wanted to ask your guest about how he perceived the conditions to be during his visit. I have found that it is very difficult to locate information about the sweatshops due to the mainstream media not covering such events.

(without taking a breath)

And another side note for Dr. Dinglehorne, I'm not sure if you are aware that the area of the Marianas is not actually a territory. Only Guam is considered a territory, while the four northern Marianas are actually a commonwealth of independent islands. It's a common mistake for people to assume that there are all actually territories. I wanted to make sure that this was clarified going forward, since it weighs very heavily on discussions concerning the island and its people.

(without taking a breath)

Additionally, the entire region has been at one time or another affected by the political, environmental and geological changes that effect the Pacific. One could argue that at any given time the people of the Marianas islands have been in one way or another at the mercy of any number of masters, and have no control over their ultimate fate.

(without taking a breath)

Thank you, I'll take my answer off the air. (CLICK)

Host: ...

Dr. Dinglehorne: That's an excellent question, and I'm glad you brought it up. Thank you for correcting me, you are correct about the area being a commonwealth.

And so the show goes on. Why do these people feel the need to be so freaking annoying? Couldn't they just call, ask their freaking question, and hang up? Do we care that they looked up some fact on Wikipedia that has no bearing on the discussion, while the guest is working solely on memory? Do they really think that this information is so vital that they have to assault the guest with it as if it could potentially change the course of the entire conversation?

Here's a news flash - nobody is impressed. Nobody wants to listen to your line for line transcription of Internet knowledge. We're listening to the show to hear what the EXPERT has to say, not some armchair historian who couldn't be troubled to go out and experience the world and have a real opinion.

Okay! Rant done. Glad to have that out of the way.

The Tuna of the Costume

Today we watched Beauty and the Beast with the kids. My 4 year old daughter was playing one of the DVD games on the disc after the movie. The audio cue told her "Who attempted to give Belle the tour of the castle."

She turned to us and said "Who gave her the tuna of the costume?"

She didn't understand why we were laughing.

What's your RealAge? Why did my premiums just shoot up?

There are ads for a 'new' website (that has actually been around for a while) called RealAge.com. They claim to tell you your 'real age' based on your health and lifestyle information.

I don't think it takes a genius to figure out what they're doing with this information:

http://www.shoestringventure.com/2009/03/26/have-you-been-duped-by-the-real-age-quiz/

Don't visit the site, don't sign up. If you submit information using your own email address, they WILL match it to your service provider, and then they have all your medical history. With this, they can (on the light side) send you marketing materials for drugs, or (on the heavy side) sell your information to your insurance company, which will then raise your rates or cancel you.

If you're really curious, create a free email account and give it false information about your name and address. Be vigilant!

Things you learn through experience, part 1

Some things you learn by doing.

Some things you learn from books.

Some things you learn from your parents.

Some things you learn after you royally screw up and never forget to keep from doing it again.

The last category is the type I'd like to start a little running log about. These things occur to me all the time, and I figured I should probably write them down. Most of the time, these aren't the things that anybody will warn you about, because a) it's too nasty for polite company; b) they feel stupid for doing it; c) it just seems so obvious after the fact; or d) all of the above.

• No matter how bad it smells, don't breathe through your mouth when changing the kitty litter. Sometimes the litter scoop can 'fling'.
• This rule also applies to cleaning the toilet and changing diapers. I don't think I need to elaborate any more than that.
• If you don't have a tissue handy, you can take a piece of paper and crumple it over and over and over until it's almost soft and it sort of works.

More to come...

Don't let someone else think for you! Unless it's us.

Ah, for the good old days of proper churches. From the New Canaan Baptist church website of Lawrenceville, GA:

While the world scrambles and seeks the new and unique, New Canaan still preaches out of the Bible, still sings out of the songbook, still prays at the altar, still follows the Spirit, still gives testimonies, still believes in conviction and repentance, and still points souls to the Cross. When today’s trends are tired, it’s songs are stale, the seekers are scattered, and “when time has surrendered and earth is no more” at New Canaan we’ll “STILL CLING TO THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”
- http://mynewcanaan.org/

This is what that means.

Um, yeah. I guess it's better to be someone else's slave then.

Nice kerning on the letters, by the way.

Remember: something something something TERRORISTS!

I got an e-mail from my work today, telling us about an upcoming college event with a guest speaker. The headline was "THE ATTACK ON CHILDREN". The focus of the event was informing the public about Child Abuse. I capitalized "Child Abuse" because it deserves that kind of recognition. This blaug is not joking about Child Abuse.

What is a joke was this byline:

"CHILD ABUSE is DOMESTIC TERRORISM!"

Really? Does everything have to be compared to terrorism now? It’s getting ridiculous. If they're not comparing something to terrorism, they're telling you that you are supporting it.

Do you buy drugs? YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

Are you not with us? YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

Do you have a problem with us reading your emails? YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

Have you forgotten to file your taxes? YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

Did you forget to take out the trash? YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

No wait, you just pissed off your significant other. But it could lead to a domestic dispute, which could lead to the police being called, and by extension that could be called YOU’RE SUPPORTING TERRORISM.

P.S.: I have to thank my coworker/Ubuntu buddy for the idea for this blaug. He's the one who actually pointed out the terrorism comment.

The Three Laws of Xboxtics

The other day I got a very important email from GameFly about the Xbox 360. Here's a little part I liked.

As you know, the Xbox 360 is a high-end gaming console that uses state-of-the-art technology. As stated in the user's manual, it is important that the console not be moved in any way while a disc is in the tray. The following movements, among others, may cause damage to the console and/or result in scratches to the disk:

1. Moving the console from horizontal to vertical position and vice versa.
2. Picking the console up.
3. Shifting the console in any way while a disc is in the tray.

Now, I understand the need to be thorough. You want people to take care of the discs. But still, does anyone else find this list a little redundant?

It says in the paragraph that "it is important that the console not be moved in any way while a disc is in the tray" so why do they find it necessary to create an numbered list? Also, technically speaking, these rules, or 'laws' we might say, are in conflict with each other. What if the system falls over on its own? Should we not prevent it from falling? That would violate their second law and their third law.

That made me think that maybe this should be interpreted like the Three Laws of Robots, per Issac Asimov. So, with that in mind, here's my revised list for GameFly.

1. The console may not be rotated from vertical to horizontal or, through inaction, be allowed to rotate from vertical to horizontal.
2. The console must not be picked up, except where such action would conflict with the First Law.
3. The console must not be shifted in any way as long as such lack of shifting does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

You see? Much better. We've got all of our bases covered now, and the list is no longer redundant. The entire message is still redundant, since the preceding paragraph tells you not to move the console in any way.

We can fix that by applying a Zeroth law, as in robotics: The console may not be moved in any way, or, by inaction, be allowed to move in any way. The remaining laws would be modified to not be in conflict with the Zeroth law.

There! Perfect. The email makes sense now, and is not even a little redundant. Now, I'm going to back to setting my Xbox 360 on fire.

TRON

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

I was going to post a link to the exact moment in Tron when the bit actually says that… and nobody uploaded the part of the scene where Flynn is trying to pilot the broken Recognizer. Seriously, it was one of the funniest parts.

Am I the only one who admits to liking the movie? Every time I ask somebody if they remember Tron, they either didn't see it, didn't like it, or they lie. (This was actually parodied in an episode of the Simpsons, so it must be widespread) Some of these people are ones that I spent an entire summer running around the neighborhood with Frisbees scotch-taped to our backs.

I was seven(?) when I first saw Tron on VHS, and I had already started programming BASIC on the Apple II. I always thought it the title was funny because I was the only person who seemed to know that TRON is a BASIC command for TRace ON.

Yeah, everybody made fun of me then, too.